The Wasp and the Ladybug

A day of understanding attachment and how it affects our everyday lives was unexpectedly coming. As we grow, we are learning and connecting. We make attachments and joy & pain eventually ensues.

The meditation was long and hard, and I had been especially struggling with letting go of past hurts. Thoughts were accosting me from all directions within. All I wanted was peace from the onslaught and rest for my body and mind. The experience thus far had been everything I wanted it to be. I was breaking through barriers I didn’t know were there. Barriers on my path to enlightenment.

Past loves came to the forefront of my mind and the pain I felt when they ended earlier than I had wanted them to. As I sat quietly allowing the gross sensations to swim throughout my body, a soft knowing came over me. Love never ends. It’s carried with you throughout your journey. The feelings of sorrow and loss turned to a peace so powerful that tears of joy and relief fell down my face. THIS is what I had yearned for. The last day and a half had been brutally painful and filled with anguish and misunderstanding. It’s like it all fell into place. And from the peace, there came an even stronger outpouring of love. My breakthrough finally arrived when I stopped trying to possess my love and allowed it to ebb and flow as nature intended. All was not lost but waiting there patiently for me to let go and just feel. I don’t know how long I sat in that silent knowing but I wanted it to last forever. Nothing is permanent, however.

The bell for the afternoon break gonged throughout the hall and we silently filed out. Each person lost in thought and contemplating their journey today. I had clothes to hand wash, and I needed to keep my hands busy while my thoughts raced. “I can let go”, I reassured myself, “and it wouldn’t be losing but gaining peace of mind.” I walked down the hall to the quaint washroom and absentmindedly turned on the water at the sink. The loud “thwack” and sound of buzzing caught me of guard. Startled by the sound’s owner, I swiftly stepped back from the largest red wasp I’ve ever seen. It made me smile to think my meditation was so impactful that I care only of what was going on inside me then my surroundings at the moment. I went back to tending to my wash, but I kept a wary eye on the where the wasp landed.

As I started to focus on my task at hand, I noticed more of the small washroom. The evening light streamed through the single window facing the pathway to the meditation hall. The peace I felt in my last sitting was vibrating through me and I felt so calm. I felt a flutter on my hand, and, to my surprise, a little brown ladybug had landed on me. I looked at the plants on the windowsill and discovered ladybugs were everywhere on the plants and the windowpanes. Joy and love overwhelmed me again. Ladybugs were always a special symbol for me. I thought of the insight from my meditation and decided to practice what I had learned - to appreciate the love of a long and distant past. I realized love wasn’t too far away from me as I had thought. “Thwack” - the wasp hit the window again and jerked my attention back. It was hovering over a ladybug now and stinging it! I became instantly protective and splashed water in its direction. The wasp angrily swayed from the ladybug. I wasn’t prepared to protect my own self from a sting.

I asked myself what I planned to do if the wasp realized I was the attacker. Simultaneously, a thought seemed to come from outside of me. This is the law of nature, the order of life. The wasp uses the ladybug for food. And yet, my attachment to the ladybug made me risk being painfully stung. I inhaled a long breath and decided to finish my wash. It was hard to see the wasp continue its assault on the ladybug as it skuttled away with each prick.

Finally finished with my wash, I grabbed a nearby cup and laminated paper and stealthily trapped the wasp. It furiously banged against the see-through plastic cup, and I momentarily panicked. Working to secure the entrapment, I pressed firmly on the laminated paper on the opening of the cup. I wondered if the wasp could pierce the thin covering with its stinger. I didn’t want the discomfort of a sting, but I had to save the ladybug. I nervously shuffled to the door and let the wasp fly free outside. The evening bell rang loudly, and I gathered my clothes. The ladybugs were safe from their assailant. I felt guilty for disrupting nature but my attachment to the ladybug called me to action. The love was still there like a calm and steady undercurrent, and I knew it would all somehow be ok. The attachment could’ve caused me the pain of a red wasp sting but this time it brought me the pleasant surprise of a love I thought lost. Love can’t be lost, and attachments can have unpleasant consequences.

Sometimes in life, we hold onto people, places, or things that eventually end up hurting us. We think that keeping them held tightly on our terms will somehow save us from pain or discomfort of loss. But that is far from the truth. We must learn to appreciate what we have in its season and allow the memories to bring back the joy that we experienced during their time with us. Today, I allowed my attachment to resurface, and I was able to feel and understand what I had been suppressing for so long. The pain and confusion of a love that I thought was lost. I realized that I had so much more to learn on this path of enlightenment. So much to let go and to gain and I was ready for it!

Ask yourself: What or who are you holding onto that may be causing you pain? Are there memories that bring sudden bursts of tears of loss or confusion and pain? Sit with those memories and thoughts and allow yourself the grace of letting go. Think of how you would be if those feelings/people were not holding you back from your freedom. Analyze the feelings objectively and think of what in those memories or people makes you want to keep holding on. Then breathe in slowly and, as you exhale, mentally thank the feelings/persons for allowing you the sensations that they brought and time with you before saying goodbye. Do this as many times as it takes to allow the feelings to dissipate. Give yourself freedom from the attachments and allow love to replace any negativity that may have been residing in you.